Thursday, June 21, 2012

Dad blogs for cats: Part II


Many weeks ago, I showed my dad a meme called "Dog diary vs. Cat diary". He loved it, and wrote a continuation of the cat diary which you can still read here. Today he presents a third chapter. (I can't turn him down; he loves writing them so much, and according to our analytics, you guys love reading them. Also, as we're just in the arduous process of going to a dozen different meetings while we sign off on our house, this gives you all something to tide you over.) Enjoy!

Day 1131

Today was a bad day. The idiot puppy saw that the human guards were preparing to leave the prison. Of course, he starts flailing about in a pitiful attempt to enamour himself of the screws (that's prison talk). But something is up: the humans appear contrite and a little nervous as they pick up my stupid cellmate. There is a flurry of fur, spit, and howls of delight as he is carried away and I am left to stare out through the invisible force field that holds me captive inside. What has happened? Did the dog's brown-nosing finally pay off?

The hours pass and sure enough the paddy wagon rolls back up the drive way. But this time, all is quiet as the dog is brought in. On his neck is the thing that all prisoners dread. I’ve have only heard of such a thing: it’s the CONE OF SHAME!! DA DA DAAA! It's a white plastic tube that covers the idiot's head and stops the mutt from doing his favourite trick: licking his privates. 

I hate the dog but he is a fellow con. What foul crime had he committed to be forced to endure such humiliation? Then I remember the poop on the pillow. When it happened I thought it was a touch of brilliance. Perhaps the dog is an idiot savant, I thought. I’ve often considered duplicating the feat more than once. But then I notice he is still very quiet and I realized with horror that the 'trick bag' he so loves to lick...was empty! Foul human creatures!! The poop stank, but what price is too high to pay for art?

I have decided not to copy the pillow protest.

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