Friday, January 20, 2012

Fridays with Bri - 5 tips for guys


I have learned some things now since being married and I wanted to share these with all of you out there, they are simple things you can do when your married or dating that will make your life so much easier... trust me:
  1. Pick up your socks and underwear, don’t leave them in little piles squirreled away all over the house. By doing this simple thing it can make all the difference; as a man we are able to live in a bachelor apartment where the bed is a mattress placed on top of beer cases and all there is for a kitchen is a tap and a hot plate and one pot. Our wives and girlfriends are much more evolved life-forms, so by taking steps to keep their nest clean it means so many less fights and it really means less cleaning on the weekends. 
  2. Be open to their way of doing things. As both halves of a partnership you need to adapt and try things their way. This was the hardest thing I had to do; you get set in your ways of doing things and you need to be ready to change, especially because all of your decisions affect the other person now. If you are going to be out late call home so your wife doesn’t worry, if you want to make plans for the weekend, talk it over: maybe there is something more important or already planned that you need to do. 
  3. Never take your partner for granted. When you love someone so much it is very important that you appreciate them. There is a lot of give-and-take in a marriage and it is very important to say thank you, and let your partner know that you appreciate them and everything they do. This is especially important when I notice amazing things around the house, but I have basically just started to say thank you every time I see her because I know that I am thankful every day I come home and see her, and there are so many things in a day that go unnoticed but that really make our lives better. With that, be ready to do things to support her too.
  4. Spend time together. It is one of the simplest things to do but always seems to be the hardest to achieve. Everyone has busy lives and they aren’t always going to line up, but by making sure that you spend time with you partner, everything on the home front will be so much happier. Yes, this means giving up going to the game with the guys; maybe instead take her out to a restaurant and sit where you can glance over every couple minutes to check on the score, or sacrifice it all together that one night. It means you're more likely to get the freedom to see the “big game” in the future.
  5. Communication is the key. Men and women communicate differently and this can be one of the most important things to learn. When a woman talks to you, try “active listening”; this will save your marriage. When your wife wants to vent, do not under any circumstance judge her...she wants you to be there to listen. That’s it, don’t give advice, and don’t try to fix it--unless she specifically asks you to. Women process emotions differently than men. Men get angry, punch the guy, then buy him a beer. We are much simpler…whereas women are all about playing mind games, seeing all sides, over-thinking every point, needing to talk it out, while being emotionally-driven the whole time. These are just facts and when you can learn to accept it, then listen actively, you’ll be the one who she runs to to be listened to.

Now, there is one last piece of advice I can give you: every person is different. What works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another and that is what you need to accept during your first year of marriage. The first year is the exciting time and certainly has been the hardest time of our relationship, so taking these steps to make things work are seriously the best things you can ever do.