The NEST is wrapping up: a goodbye, for now.

Ladies and gents, the NEST is bidding you adieu.

The NEST chronicled the experience of a newlywed couple living a frugal, offbeat lifestyle. We blogged about food, love, intimacy, childrearing, local events, crafts, and even renos. We took you along on a year-long journey, and I am so grateful that so many of you followed along. Because of you readers loving what you read, I got to do some amazing things, like helping to organize a spectacular social media conference, and getting to read my favourite blog post to a live audience. I rekindled my love of writing, and got to showcase some amazing local events and businesses. It's been a blast. 

So now, readers, you've got a choice to make. Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure novels you read as a kid? You're at one of those crossroads right now, my friends. You can end your readership here, with the closure of the NEST. The story will forever be the same, a happily ever after story. It's that point in the book where you can close it and walk away right now. Or, you can follow me once more into a new phase of my life, my writing, and my relationships. 

So, for the readers who choose to part ways here at the end of the NEST, let me say thank you. Thank you for being a part of my world, and for laughing, crying, and crafting along with me. 

For the readers who are ready to see what comes next, let me say...be ready for a whole new adventure. Click here to follow onwards...

-Jordan

From Points B to A: a bra misadventure

What happened to simple underthings???

I decided this past weekend that it was time to embark on one of my most hated purchasing ventures: bra shopping. Oh, I see the pretty magazines where Victoria’s Secret models prance around and tell me how incredible my bust will look when I put on one of their cheetah-printed numbers; but generally I’m into a less fussy set of underthings...and I am so freaking tired of everyone offering to push my girls up, spread them apart, or pull them together. All I’m really looking for is an easy-to-wear, padding-free bra that embraces my boobs gently, tucking them into place and otherwise leaving them be.

Unfortunately, the current trend in bra fashions means that I’ve been wearing foam-cupped contraptions for the past couple years, because the non-foamy choices generally are ugly things. The message is: if you don’t want your bust lifted and enhanced, then you must just want them swaddled tight against your chest in a sea of taupe polyester.

Consequently, I have held onto the few bras I do like, well beyond their recommended life span. It was around Wednesday last week that I realized this might need to be remedied. I was pulling on a rather hot little skirt for work, and Brian made a comment about how good I was looking...and then we both kinda looked at my unravelling, once-white, pilling cotton bra, and I said, “I’m going shopping.” Because it’s just way too early in this marriage for the bad underwear to start.

Mmm, sexy taupe, wide straps...rowr. (Sigh.)

So I headed out to the mall, and I went to a certain nationwide department store where they have a ton of bras and brands. I figured this was a good place to start: lots of options, lots of choices. Surely I would accomplish my goal of finding some non-foam, non-padded, moderately-cute bras. Surely this couldn’t be too hard.

I wrangled a saleslady into helping me, because as I wandered through the aisles I found my pulse racing and my palms getting sweaty; there were just too many options, and I couldn’t figure out what to try. Not to mention, I haven’t been sized in a really long time, and lately I wondered if maybe I’d lost a bit of...cushion...in the chest department. After explaining what I was looking for, the saleswoman approved the choices I’d pulled out, then sent me into the changeroom. I stripped off my top layers, pulled on a cute plaid number, stood up, and realized that I have, indeed, lost some volume in the bust area. The B-cup sat on my boobs like a pair of deflated parachutes, loose and wobbly. I sighed and asked the woman for some help.

She peeked into the room, tugged at the straps, and said, “Well the problem is, you’ve got nothing there.”

Yeah, thanks, lady. Saturday afternoon, in a busy changeroom, and you’ve just announced that there’s nothing there.

credit: Ambro

This shouldn’t bother me. I had a breast reduction five years ago—dropping from a DD to a small B, much to the relief of my nerve-damaged back and shoulders—but there was something about the way that she announced my breasts as the problem that just really made my stomach churn.

I stood there in that saggy bra and demanded she find me an A-cup, as this was clearly what needed to happen. If I’d discovered my reduced cup size on any other day, in any other situation, I honestly wouldn’t be bothered by it at all; but now I felt vulnerable, cold, and a little naked. Oh, wait...maybe because, you know, I wasn’t wearing a shirt.

The lady went and looked, and came back to inform me that there were no A-cups out there for my size, in the style of light little bras that I wanted. I thanked her, got dressed, and went to exit; but she seemed to develop a sudden sense of sympathy and instead of letting me leave, she made another suggestion.

“You know,” she said, ”Probably what you should be doing is shopping in the little girl’s section. Go downstairs, and see if they have your size there. It’s probably the best you can do.”

I stared at her open-mouthed, then walked away.

And at the last minute, I turned into the little girls’ section.

The dream, not the reality.
credit: Charisma

With burning cheeks, I checked, and yes: they had my size.

The punchline? All the little girl bras were padded, too. Don’t get me started on messed up I think that is.

I left the mall an hour later with some bust-enhancing foamy bras from a different shop in the mall. I wish I’d found what I was looking for, but in the end these bras are fine and maybe helpful, now that I’ve ‘got nothing there’. You can’t always get what you want...but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.

After this escapade, what I really needed was a stiff drink.

From Trails to Treadmills: transitioning to winter athletics

The Soloway JCC outdoor pool, open til the weather changes!

FROM SUMMER SPORTS TO WINTER FITNESS

Summer is quickly transitioning into fall—for those of us in the drought-stricken areas, a break from the heat actually sounds good about now—and Brian and I have been talking about what sports we’re going to get back into once the sun starts setting earlier and sweaters become mandatory. As two active sorts of people, we started talking about the unsteady transition that can happen when someone stops summer sports and picks up cold-weather ones. Luckily, our friends at the Soloway Jewish Community Centre had some handy advice, and we’re sharing it with you all. Soloway's Fall/Winter activity guide is available now, and you can access it on their website. There are lots of new programs for all ages and interests, like fun after-school programs for kids, fitness classes, and adult programs.

Ryan Armitage is the Fitness Centre Manager at the SJCC. We’vetalked before about the awesome fitness facilities at the centre, and another great thing about the place is the knowledgeable fitness staff. We interviewed Ryan and got some tips for those of you who will be transitioning into winter sports as the season changes…

NEST: As people get off of vacation and get back into indoor fitness, what are some of the pitfalls or mistakes that they make? (Ie wrong equipment, overdoing it, etc)?  

RYAN: Overdoing  it seems to be the main culprit for those coming back from exercising outdoors to indoors. When our bodies recondition to different aspects of fitness, it is sometimes difficult to readjust back to our old routines. The good thing is that our muscles remember the things we were doing before so there’s no need to panic; you will get back to where you were in no time. It is important to ease into your old routine while returning. I recommend asking a fitness professional to check over your form and make sure that any bad habits are rectified so you can continue with an effective yet safe routine.

NEST: What kinds of things can winter athletes be doing now to prepare for the snowy season?

RYAN: Depending on which winter activity you are preparing for, there is always a wide range of exercises that can be done to maximize your preparation for the winter season. A nice mix of functional exercises targeted specifically to the muscle groups you will be using for the activity is the best way to both improve your conditioning and keep your workouts challenging and interesting.

NEST: As we head into the autumn, our food availability (and traditions, like Thanksgiving) start to change. Any tips on autumn nutrition?

RYAN: It is important that we are still getting a wide variety of nutrients to help the body with reparation and preparation. As the seasons change, certain foods are scarce so it is important to find healthy alternatives to these foods. If you need assistance in determining which foods might be a healthy equivalent to those you were always consuming, I would speak to either a fitness professional or nutritionist to make sure you are taking in the healthiest and most effective foods to fuel your body. As we near the holiday season, portion size is the main culprit to our holiday eating woes. It is very easy to go for seconds and thirds and over-consume the calorie intake that is necessary. It is also important to watch out for liquid calories, alcohol being the main culprit. High calorie liquids don't fill you up as much, and the lack of feeling full can quickly escalate our caloric intake.

NEST: How do people successfully manage a fitness regime once the fall starts and schedules seems so much tighter?

RYAN: There is a large misconception that the longer you exercise, the more benefit you are getting. A lot of research is showing that a more intense, shorter duration workout can burn as much or more calories as a longer medium intensity workout. It is important to put aside some time in your day to dedicate to yourself for not only health of the body but mind as well and get as much "bang for your buck" as possible if you are strapped for time.

NEST: If people are interested in starting a new fitness plan or a new sport, who can they talk to at the centre and how do they connect with them?

Soloway has an indoor saltwater pool. It's awesome.

RYAN: You can either contact me (Ryan Armitage) in the fitness center or our Health and Wellness Director Carla Gencher. We would be happy to set you up with an orientation to learn the new equipment and set you up on a routine. We also have personal trainers that can assist you with any sport specific routines.

A big thanks to Ryan and the Soloway Jewish Community Centre for this great advice. Brian is talking about getting back into cross-country skiing this season, while I plan on getting back into weights and other activities done in the warmth of the gym. Either way, it’ll be a transition from rollerskating and yoga in the park, and with this great advice, it’ll hopefully be a smooth one.

If you're thinking of joining the SJCC, they now have online registration. Members should have their membership card, as well as their credit card handy to go online and register starting from Monday August 13th. Non-Members could start registering starting on August 20th, 2012. All programs at the Soloway JCC are open to everyone. And a bonus: Joining the Soloway JCC during the month of September can save you money on an annual membership and personal training--so don't put off your goals 'til New Years resolution time; take the next step now for better wellness.

A Confession: Off the wagon

I'm confessing something today, and I am terrified to share it; but I've thought about it pretty hard, so here it goes.

I'm having a cigarette.

Oh, I should mention: I quit last year.

I'm not making excuses; I know this is because I haven't finished my own process of learning new ways to cope. But as an explanation, here's why I'm smoking: I'm anxious beyond all reason. I am living through an impossibly scary time right now, and I'm not coping with it very well. I'm still sick, with the doctors giving me no helpful news--you may remember, I had a health crisis hit in February, and it is still going on. Everyday I am in pain, everyday I don't know what's wrong. Everyday I'm getting closer to having some scary invasive tests run, and those tests aren't even likely to find the problem. 

How ironic that a health problem would lead me to partake of such an unhealthy activity.

Throw in a new house, plus Brian's recent job change-up, plus my best friend moving away, and I'm a ball of stress. Doesn't help that I have an actual, diagnosed anxiety disorder. Ohhh, the joys of being in my head.

So for a little over a week now, I have had a cigarette every day. I hate myself every time I do it, but the alternative currently is to take a sedative, and the sedatives scare me. They are powerful, and they are addictive. Hello, rock; hello, hard place.

WHY IT'S A SECRET

I haven't told anyone but Brian, because people love to berate a smoker. Having worked with drug addicts, I never personally do that to people. I understand that one must be in a dark, terrible place to feel like putting poison into their bodies is the best choice of action. But it's incredible how many people feel completely comfortable with judging and condemning the nicotine addict. I'm afraid to tell my parents in case they become angry with me, and yes I understand that the anger is born from love, but being chastised isn't going to help me. In fact, my parents' support these past few months is the reason I've only mildly relapsed here. 

Some things have changed since I last bought smokes. The photos on the packaging are far worse, for one. I can't get over how horrid the imagery is, and I can't believe the government thinks these photos will stop a smoker. If that were true, we could just make every heroine addict watch Requiem for a Dream and we wouldn't need rehab centres. All the photos do is increase my anxiety...which makes lighting up all that more likely.

Cigarettes are also more and more expensive, which I hated when I was a regular smoker, but I'm glad of now: it is most definitely a deterrent from allowing myself to continue on with this addiction.

I want to stop. I need to stop. I want and need to reach out for the supports that helped me quit the first time 'round: people, mostly. But that fear of chastisement has stopped me from admitting my failure. The chastisement does nothing, people! It is akin to when your friend breaks up with that loser you never liked, and you talk about how much you always hated him, but the next day they get back together: chances are, your friend won't tell you the next time they're having problems because she'll be afraid you won't be listening with an understanding heart.

SOCIAL STIGMA: SHUNNING FROM THE TRIBE

Something else has changed since I last smoked: smokers are more of a social pariah than ever before.  The municipal government has banned us from smoking in virtually any public place you can think of, in a misguided attempt to 'discourage people from smoking'. Seriously, Public Health? I have seen smokers stand in the middle of a freezing rain ice storm with no umbrella and no coat, trying to get a little bit of nicotine before going back to their desk jobs. You think walking ten meters further down the road is going to stop us? That makes me keenly aware of how little the health care system is interested in really understand and dealing with nicotine addiction. This is an 'out of sight, out of mind' approach, and it's a joke.

WHY SMOKE?

In addictions work, we talk about HALT as the basis for most relapse: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. (I usually throw in 'bored' as well.) These are the top reasons why people get the urge to relapse. I often ask myself which one of these emotions is urging me onward towards that smoke, and lately it's usually the A, L, and T.

WHAT I NEED TO QUIT

I've been thinking hard about what's going to help me stop smoking this time 'round. It's not going to be yelling, nagging, or shunning, and it definitely won't be expulsion from public parks. If I'm feeling angry, lonely, and tired, why would isolation and reproach help in any way? Certainly, all the yelling I've done in my own head at myself hasn't helped. No, I am considering a new approach: I think hugs are the answer. If you see me smoking a cigarette, or I tell you I want to find a cigarette, hug me. Just reach out and hug me. (If we haven't been introduced yet, maybe say something about having read the blog, though. Just a suggestion.) Imagine if every smoker who stepped out, bummed a smoke, and then lit up feeling wretched and like a total failure, was suddenly embraced in genuine kindness by a friend or stranger. I bet you fewer of us would finish our smokes, or at least fight the urge for the next one.

I'm sorry to those I've let down with this relapse, but I'm not going to get weighed down with guilt. I've written this post to keep me honest and accountable. I am beginning a journey of cessation again--it should be easier than when I used to smoke 15-20 smokes a day, I think--and I hope along the way there'll be some kind hearts to help me along.